haiix. tis thing had been in my mind for lyke 3 days? i cant even sleep lo. its like even u see me slping, u tot i am slping, but the fact is that my mind is not fully in a slping mode yet. still thinking abt dat thing. wle ! i cant slp properly. now the thing is tat everyone is alrdy goin to patch up except me. cos A doesnt not wan to. A is still angry with me. but i dun see y she has to be angry with me for so long. last time, if we even argue, the very new day we alrdy patch up liao. now..haiix. its really frustrating. but ytd, we had a meeting with A & B. to say all our unhappiness out. we nearly break up our whole relationship. NEARLY. but then at least there is still a bond between us, dat stops us from breaking. it wld really hurts if we really break. they think i am the leader among them. its like they also got voice out mah. not only me. but they only see me voicing out. wth. and their inference is that i am their leader, like i am squealer and they r the animals. its really annoying and frustrating. for me, its really unfair lo. its not like they keep following me wad. wle ! i nearly shouted at them. okay, maybe i did in the canteen. i really cant take it liao. im goin crazy. actually they wanted to go to the canteen to vent their anger . then we were like alrdy lowering ourselves to follow them liao lo. wat else they still want? warah our middleman is trying make things easier for us. after i shouted, i nearly wanted to cry, but obviously i dint. my mood was really foul. though i did not show it. these few days, cos got exams, i cant really concentrate like tat lo. i think i will screw up my eng n chi papers la. omg lo. 2 very important papers. i was like writing crap. i even cried in my bed last nite, but not very serious tat kind la. wed, goin back to sch, goin to face them again. dnt me n kf doin with them. its a very gd opportunity to communicate with them. i noe. haiyo. i wish everythin could go back in time n i could hav change everything. maybe we r still very good frens like before. haiix. i admit that i am partly at fault. but can u all not push all the blame on me? its not totally my fault okay..its like really sad for me. wle ! i only can sing with the music to vent my anger and forget all my worries of this world. i really want to disappear for this period of time for them to cool down. i think my best fren is now only kf ba, though A was my bestie once. but now she becos of this matter she angry with me for so long. i feel tat she dun wan to even forgive me like tat lo. its the first time that i experience tis kinda pain n hurt. i really weak at all tis. i feel lyke abandoning tis whole thing. though i noe its irresponsible of me. i think after all tis thing, i had become more mature in my thinking. wish nothing like dis had ever happened to us. i really wish..first time kinda of emo not in sch, but more at home. but i wont show my feelings to anyone. i hope to go back like last time de me. i duno if B is even angry with me. but then i dun think so. cos A was my bestie last time, so she expects me to tell her everything. but i dint. and she felt betrayed?! OH MY TIAN ! like tat is betray meh? she even called us friends-stealer. wle ! hw can she even say it man? it really hurts me. i think its a test to see hw strong is our friendship. if u see the me in sch, its just me putting a brave front. i really cant take it le. i really hope tat someone could share my burdens with me, and lend me a shoulder to cry on..*sobs. lets hope bygones be bygones. i am really very tired le. i really am..